Now the recession is hurting the romantic lives of Washington D.C.’s resident douchebags:
“It’s been incredibly stressful for me,” said Neil Welsh, 27, the guy in the suit, who until last year was marketing director for a booming real estate company. “I was so used to using my financial situation to leverage my dating.”
I demand to know why our President did not see fit to address this harsh reality in his speech last night. It’s not enough that families are being forced out of their homes, now there are more men wandering around having to rely on their personalities to win the ladies:
Alexandria native Niko Papademitriou, 27, became an investment banker with a Cleveland firm soon after he graduated from college. The money was steady enough for him to fly regularly to Manhattan to see his girlfriend and take her to upscale restaurants such as Bond Street and Cafe Gray.
“A large aspect of my life — three out of the first five conversations that we had — I told her, ‘You’re not going to see much of me in the next 15 years if we start dating, because I’m going to be making a lot of money.’ ” He thinks that worked in his favor, “not so much for the money, but for the drive. It’s one of those things in men that women find attractive.”
It may be tough now, Niko, but I’m rooting for you crazy kids! Because if there’s anything the hot women of America should be able to count on through thick and thin, it’s that their men will be able to spend 15 years ignoring them in order to earn a ton of money. In fact, I blame my single status on the fact that too many of the men I meet – be they interns, grad students, physicists or computer geeks – are too willing to spend time with me when they should be out getting rich enough to buy me sparkly things and steak dinners!
In other words, this isn’t just hurting men – it’s hurting the women who would otherwise date them:
For Natalie Huddleston, 27, a marketer at a law firm, dating itself is on hold. Standing with her girlfriends on an outdoor deck of the Eighteenth Street Lounge, nursing a Manhattan, the Arlington resident said men ask her out much less since the market crash.
“They’re spending more time at networking events, happy hours, with their guy friends — trying to get leads on jobs, rather than spending it on women,” she said. “I feel bad for the guys who don’t have jobs.”
Bad enough to date them? She smiled and shook her head. “I guess I’m kind of traditional. So if a guy can’t really take you out or doesn’t have the money or the state of mind to take girls out, then it’s not going to go anywhere.”
We can’t go on like this. That’s why I’m urging you to call your senators and representatives, and demand that they include a bailout for formerly wealthy single men in their next stimulus package.