You just can’t make this stuff up

It’s so awful it must be real. My new misogynist punching bag actually wrote a note for the ladies on how best to display your breasts in order to attract just the right kind of male attention - the kind that will trick him into the bonds of marriage and thrill his conquest-loving spirit. We girls have three choices when it comes to showing off our “assets,” and we’d best choose wisely.

The first option causes women to minimize their influence over each man they encounter. Maximum cleavage or near-nipple exposure focuses men on sex instead of the female and her other qualities. Her obvious immodesty relieves and sometimes is taken as condemnation of masculine self-restraint. It signals that she welcomes masculine-style sexual freedom—whether she does or not is moot, because he perceives it—and this shifts her into a player in the man’s game and seller instead of buyer after he conquers her.

Why is it always about the conquering with this guy? And the selling and the buying? I’m forced to wonder if he thinks that women are people. Actually, I’m not sure he thinks men are people either.

The second option causes women to discourage men or ignore messages she’s trying to send. Boobs well covered and shapeless regardless of size shift manly focus to other women. Sweatshirt-covered and other bosom-shaped displays indicate age. Other women just look better. Big, shapeless, and comfortable for her won’t reduce his eagerness for conquest, but it reduces his enthusiasm for her as keeper. Wives often resort to comfort—even to sloppiness—without realizing the impact on husband. It’s not modesty, but her shapeless boobs or breasts without ‘character’ that push men toward other women, and husbands are men.

Cover up too much, and it’s your own damn fault if your husband strays. Seriously, this guy spends a lot of time making excuses for other mens’ infidelity.

The third option empowers women to maximize their feminine impact on men, and women need to display this way for all men in order to find the right man. Very modest cover with two, albeit small, distinct boobs pointed uncomfortably high and perky forces decent men to focus on her eyes and other qualities in order to maximize his persuasiveness. She appears not only hard-to-get, but is implying ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na to this face—look but don’t even think about touching. Her appearance and attitude force the hunter-conqueror to plan for a long campaign. This empowers her to keep his attention focused on her and not on sex and for her to dominate their relationship before his conquest. Highly stressed modesty and two high and perky boobs blended into a non-sexual ‘in your face’ attitude can easily overpower male dominance. Men wilt under this kind of feminine determination, unless they are only after sex in the first place, which should empower her to put him back in the parade.

“Two, albeit small, distinct boobs pointed uncomfortably high and perky?!” So women with big boobs are automatically disqualified for being too slutty, as in option A. And uncomfortable for whom?! And why is that the magic combination to make men look at her eyes? Methinks this fellow reads a little too much into women’s choice of shirts. And maybe takes himself a tad too seriously.

Anyway, I enjoyed it immensely. Next time I feel the need to be conquered in a manly way (but by being a buyer and not a seller…or maybe it’s the other way around) by a man who hates women, I’ll be sure to follow some of this advice.

 

Culture Shock

This past weekend I took a trip down to Oklahoma to visit my very good friend Carissa. She’s a college student - like me - and she’s planning to attend law school - like me - and she is passionate about politics - like me. The occasion for my journey was her wedding. Carissa is now married. Not like me.

Half of Carissa’s bridesmaids are married. One is 23 years old, and she just celebrated her fifth wedding anniversary. At Carissa’s wedding ceremony, a young girl in the pew behind me announced to the young girl sitting next to me her recent engagement . Later, at the reception, a young man, a college junior, told me about his girlfriend and how “she is the one” and they will be married in “the next few years.” On my way back to the airport, the groom’s younger brother announced to me that he plans to propose to his girlfriend this week. All of these individuals are under 22 years of age.

This all came as quite a shock to me (more so than the abundance of cows, peanut farms, oil rigs, and open, open spaces). After Carissa’s wedding, I called my grandma (and close friend) back on the east coast to inquire about such an unusual habit. I asked her why people in our area (I grew up on the Jersey shore) don’t get married in their early 20s. Her response was that east coast living is just too expensive. A young couple still in school just can’t afford to rent an apartment and take on the costs of medical insurance, car insurance, rent, and utilities. This satisfied me for the time being, since I hadn’t thought of that myself.

It’s true enough though. I’m working two jobs right now just to put myself through college. However, my college costs roughly $46,000 a year, whereas Carissa’s costs $125 a credit hour. Rigorous academic programs in the northeast don’t make it easy for students to work enough hours to pay rent and other essentials of married life in addition to tuition.

I think the real reason women don’t wed young in the northeast is due to societal pressures. In our culture of modern feminism, women who make smart, well thought-out decisions like Carissa would be looked down upon. And that is what I think is difficult to swallow. We are bred with a sense of independence from men, an independence I find completely unnecessary. While we obviously know that we, as women, can succeed on our own, there is no shame in preferring the company of a man along the way.

I must admit I’m a bit jealous of girls in southwestern Oklahoma. I think it would be nice to settle down and start a family, all while pursuing my education and career goals. Here, it’s almost unheard of for undergraduates to be thinking of anything other than graduate school, professional school, or interviewing with prestigious firms. My classmates were shocked when I told them I was going to my 21-year-old friend’s wedding. If I mentioned the thought of marriage to my friends, family members, boyfriend (!), panic would ensue. Feminists argue that the “patriarchy” oppresses women by forcing them into heterosexual marriage, directing their sexual urges as they see fit. I see the opposite: today society tells women not to get married until later on in life, to climb the career ladder of success first. At least in my region of the country. I suppose different girls see the pros and cons in different lights.

It is definitely beneficial for a young woman to enter the professional world before making such a large commitment as marriage. Still, it might be nice (and certainly isn’t wrong) to have a supporter committed to you while you venture out into the real world. Contrary to feminist theory, husbands needn’t be stifling. My friend Carissa is a testimony to that, experiencing the best of both worlds - she has a loving husband and just received high scores on her LSAT and is off to law school.

Young women need to make choices for themselves. We’ve been indoctrinated for so long into thinking marriage is for later; as strong women, we are plenty capable of deciding what we want to do now.

Cheers to your marriage, Carissa and Garrett!