From Pajamas Media, Helen Smith brings us an example of a man who was raped by a woman:
On a Friday night in 1990, after hanging out with a friend for several hours at a club — said friend disappeared for the night and left his female friend (stranger to me) without a ride and about 35 miles from home. I was plastered, and not going to drive as the club was next to a motel. She asked for a ride and I offered to drive her home in the morning as she was about 6 months pregnant, but I was going to have to get a motel room for the evening as I was drunk and not driving in such a state. We decided to split the cost of the room and both agreed that sleeping was all that was going to take place. She was pregnant and also not my type in the slightest. At the time, I thought I was in love with a woman attending a local college. I seem to recall we even had separate beds.
I woke up about 2 hours later — still destroyed by the alcohol — to find my clothes removed from the waist down and the girl on top of me wailing like a banshee and quite roughly enjoying herself. She had apparently brought me to erection — not hard as I’m one of those men who can hold one for hours, awake or asleep, sober or drunk. She told me everything was okay and to go back to sleep and despite my best effort to the contrary, I was unable to move or speak coherently in my still very inebriated and half-conscious state and did fall asleep again quickly.
After most of my drunken stupor wore off around 7 am or so, I awoke again to find her on top of me — this time with a more menacing attitude as she knew I was in a better position to respond physically this time. I had began to wiggle out from under her (taking care not to hurt her baby) when she sternly warned me to “be quiet” and “not be forceful” and made it clear that she would cry rape if I tried to stop it. I was stunned to say the least and not sure how to respond. I could easily have thrown her across the room and off of me, but was concerned for her child and took her threat very, very seriously. She said it so easily that I doubt I was her first.
I weighed my options for a moment and came to the conclusion that a sober, 6 or 7-month pregnant college student of 24 was far more likely to be believed by the authorities than a drunk 19-year old Marine in the best shape of his life. I frequented that club a lot and I’m sure several people saw me leave with her. I was pretty much f*cked — in more than one way — at that point.
I complied by lying still while she continued to warn and threaten me and she eventually orgasmed again and got off me. I don’t know how long the second rape transpired as I tried to disconnect my mind from that scene. Further, I have no idea how many times she had actually raped me that night (at least twice), but I was extremely sore for a few days. As a small favor, she turned out to be disease free.
This seems to me like a fairly clear cut case of rape: the victim did not have the power to consent, first because he was drunk and passed out, and therefore physically unable to say “yes,” then the second time under the duress of psychological coercion. Pretty distressing to read, as are all first-hand accounts of rape.
Even more disturbing to me, though, were some of the comments that followed:
Zero sympathy, Blunderbrain. Get plastered, then get a hotel room with a total stranger, and later you’re ‘raped’.
Stupid people deserve the pain they afflict upon themselves.
First of all, the scare quotes around raped indicate that the writer doesn’t believe the situation was rape – but under a simple definition were rape is sex without consent, it sure as hell was. Then there’s the idea that springs up when dealing with women that being stupid means you deserve what you get. It may be a dumb idea for me to walk home alone in the dark, but that doesn’t mean I deserve for someone to attack me. The same is true here.
That being said, get over it already. It’s been 17 years and you did nothing at the time. You’re a man an should not react as women do – crying and feeeeling so bad, that’s the women’s domain. You could have pressed charges long time ago, now all you can, and should, do is to get over it.
This is where feminists have it right: strict gender roles hurt men too. Crying and feeling bad are not traits unique to women; where did we get this idea that men who experience the full range of human emotion are acting like women? More of the same from another commenter named 360Annie:
I’m sorry Helen, but this is silly. Men ARE supposed to be different than women. I don’t want to see men crying and sharing their feelings….I hate the whole metrosexual thing, it’s part of what is wrong with the whole landscape…we need men to be men…
Tell you what Annie – I’ll let you date the androids, and you can leave the men who share their feelings to girls like me who prefer our boyfriends and husbands to be human.
Does anyone really believe this. There is zero chance this happened. Only a fool would believe this. The only way a woman can rape a man is if she straps one on and ties him up.
And here, rape is equated only with penetration and physical restraint. Which is ridiculous, because it isn’t the sex act performed which determines whether it is rape – it’s the lack of consent. We also see a lot more of this idea that coercion must be physical:
Rape must surely include physical force or threat of physical force. That is why women raping men is virtually a non-issue – most men, including this one, are stronger than most women.
Isn’t the threat that you could be sent to jail (because I have to agree with the victim about the likelihood that a jury would buy his story), and have your career and life essentially ruined enough? Isn’t that also force?
Luckily for my faith in humanity, later comments sided with the victim here as well.
Not even the most ardent feminists will argue that there aren’t physical differences between men and women. But those differences don’t mean that men can’t also be victims.